And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
