Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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