wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
