Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
