i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
