just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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