even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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