we have pet lesbian snakes
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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