So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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