I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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