I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
