He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
