Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
