Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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