I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
