I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
