we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Just pee around me
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
