You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
