I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
