two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
