She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
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