I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
