dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I am available for nakedness
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
