just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
