So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I need a burrito and a hug.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
