First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I think my moral compass just broke
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