i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
