im drinking this country out of the recession.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
