I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
