i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
