I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Sorry about my life...
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
