chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
