East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
