Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
You can't motorboat a personality
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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