i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
