I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
