remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
