Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
