Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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