maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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