Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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