Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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