he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
