oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
