You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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