Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He keeps bees of course he's weird
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You ate ashes out of my bong
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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