Its about making memories worth repressing
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
