I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
