Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
