"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
