I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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