I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
