Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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